Introduction: From a young age, Mikita seemed to be the child that others admired—smart, well-behaved, disciplined, and driven. She embodied all the virtues any parents could ever wish for their children.
Standing there, smiling as if she owns the whole world, Mikita looked like the most thriving sunflower under the sun, a standout, angelic child.
If you only listened to her music, with its powerful, resounding instruments, it would be hard to believe she is only 10. This child is indeed very gifted, being invited by Carnegie Hall to perform three original concertos at such a young age. She not only composed and plays the piano but also conducts four adult string players.
Everyone wonders: what kind of family, what kind of education, what kind of parents could nurture such a gifted kid? Is it the Eileen Gu’s style? Lang Lang’s growing path? Or the Mozart’s family generational type of success?
First seeing Mikita, she was tall and beautiful, showing a mixture of childlike innocence and elegance despite being only 10. However, as soon as she opened her mouth, she revealed her playful, lively nature, far from the mature and genius persona I had imagined. She so excitedly told me about her upcoming Carnegie performance, eager to show her music pieces to me, but she was more thrilled about her candy, her video games, her little brother, and her starting school soon.
I smiled, realizing she is just an ordinary, joyful child. Her life is not just about music but filled with all the typical childhood interests. It suddenly felt amusing to think of how seriously I had approached the interview.
Yuanbao (Mikita): I’m definitely not a genius (shakes her head repeatedly). My mom says geniuses don’t live long. So at most, I’m just a little gifted. Plus, I can be pretty clumsy. My mom calls me a little pig (I love being a piggy, it is lovely). And mom is the big pig She can’t play the piano or sing at all.
Mom: Who says I can’t play the piano? I can, just not very well.
Mikita: But you only know how to play number notations, not sheet music. And your singing is terrible.
Mikita and her mom started bickering like sisters, showing how close they are. Clearly, Mikita’s mom is not a tiger mom.
Interviewer: How old was Mikita when she started learning the piano? How did you discover her talent? Will she pursue a career in music?
Mom: She started playing the piano at five and composing at seven. She began with piano solo pieces, mostly inspired by the Theme-songs from Hayao Miyazaki Animation films, like Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke. The composer Joe Hisashi’s music deeply inspired her, and she picked it up quickly, producing quality singles within three months. From the very beginning, her music seemed to have a soul, not at all like something composed by a child.
I still remember the first time I heard her piano solo, Lost in Space. Its ethereal melody and transitions brought me to tears. Later, she composed the entire Lost in Space series, including Sweet Dreams Rondo and Star Chase, which helped her to win some competitions. Her music has improved steadily since then. Now, I’ve gotten used to it, so I no longer cry or feel moved (laughs).
She also composes small pieces as gifts, like for Mother’s Day or her dad’s birthday.
Sometimes, I help her write lyrics. For example, for Mother’s Day this year, she wrote Sending Flowers for me:
Butterflies fly
Flowers bloom
Cheeks blush
Children smile.
Flowers red
Fragrance fly
Sweet mom
Sweet smiles.
Butterflies dance, flowers bloom, joyful mom,
Fragrance, smiles, and laughter fill each day.
Sending flowers, sending joy
Sending laughter, sending cheer
Sending flowers, sending flowers…
Interviewer: Mikita, do you want to be a musician in the future? What kind of person do you want to become?
Mikita: I don’t know if I’ll become a musician. I’m only 10. My mom says there’s no rush, I can figure it out eventually. Like right now, I’m taking Chinese classes every day, and my mom says by 15, I could go to Tsinghua University for college and then return to the U.S. for graduate school. I also want to start a small company at the age of 15 and practice being an entrepreneur. Oh, mom will help me figure things out, I don’t worry about it at all.
Oh yes, I’ll become just like my mom in the future.
Interviewer: Mikita seems to admire you (mom) a lot.
Mom: I admire Mikita, too. You might not believe it, but I once said, “If my God had a face, it has to be Mikita’s.” In a way, Mikita is also my mother, my mentor, my true love and my soul mate.
Philosophically, Mikita and I co-create each other. We grow together and are each other’s best friends. Without her, I would be nothing and would have achieved nothing. Mikita understands her importance, both to me and to our family. That’s why she is so sunny, confident, and proud.
At this point, Mikita’s father seemed a bit awkward, envious of the close bond between his wife and daughter. But every family has its dynamics, and he could be the strong tree standing on the outside, without needing to squeeze into their tight-knit circle.
Interviewer: You must be very proud of Mikita. How did you create such a successful child?
Mom: Success is what most Chinese immigrant parents hope for their children. Many well-meaning people remind me not to waste Mikita’s musical talent, to seize every opportunity to develop her gift. Some even send me stories of Lang Lang or Eileen Gu to inspire me. These suggestions come with good intentions. It’s not about expecting repayment from the child, but hoping they won’t waste their life, talent, and potential.
But honestly, I strongly oppose this kind of education, even to the point of anger. I only want to raise a well-rounded child who understands gratitude, happiness, effort, and joy. I’m not sure if Mikita will pursue music as a professional career—she’s only 10. Music might have helped maturing her and giving her some charm, music could be a very important part of her life, but I just cannot imagine that would be her entire life.
Interviewer: How do you view the “Tiger Mom” or “Helicopter Parent” styles of parenting?
Mom: I think I could accept it if my child were ordinary, as long as she is kind, well-rounded, and good to me. To me, being loving and caring to parents/family is the most important.
Some first immigration parents get trapped in a mindset where they impose constant goals on themselves and raise their expectations endlessly, leading to disappointment and self-loathing. What’s worse is when parents project their unfulfilled dreams onto their children under the guise of selflessness. I completely disagree with the “Tiger Mom” or “Helicopter Parent” mindset and am genuinely mad with how they raise their children.
Mom’s “hands-off” Philosophy
Mom: Like many Chinese immigrants, I underwent a grueling education system. Growing up being aways a top student and constantly achieving success was not easy. Most of us Chinese immigrants in the U.S. are now middle or upper-middle class, living seemingly glamorous lives but really working ourselves to the bone.
We once thrived academically, but many of us didn’t achieve the success we dreamed of, so we project our unfulfilled expectations onto our children. We think: “I was a top student, so with better conditions, my child should excel even more.” There’s even a noble self-sacrificing sentiment: “Even if I have to crawl through dirt, I will make sure my child succeeds.”
I completely reject this notion of “noble sacrifice.” I call myself the “guru of non-intervention,” although my influence is limited, and I’ve only influenced a handful of parents around me to adopt this hands-off approach parenting—probably because they’ve seen how well Mikita has turned out (laughs).
Interviewer: Isn’t non-intervention just “free-range parenting”? Isn’t that irresponsible?
Mom: Children aren’t tools for exams, not instruments for parents to live out their dreams, and certainly not their trophies.
As someone who studied economics and runs a business, my philosophy is simple: anything stuck in a rigid system is wrong. Running a business should get easier over time, not harder. The same applies to raising children. You can’t completely neglect them, but you also can’t choose their life for them. Children are living beings. We’re like gardeners, pruning but not over-pruning—that balance is crucial.
The best thing I did was to not treat my child as a tool. She’s not a tool for learning, for exams, or for getting into the best school. Nor is she a tool for winning piano competitions. Some parents tell their children their only job is to study, and if they fail, it’s a disaster. I’ve seen kids who sweep all the piano awards in San Diego. Their mothers are so proud, but those kids only play the same few pieces repeatedly. What for? Is the child a trophy showcase for their mother’s pride?
It’s seeing children like that that made us give up piano and switch to composing instead. We just couldn’t compete with those tiger moms (laughs). We couldn’t even place in the top three in San Diego piano competitions, so we had to find another path.
The racetrack of piano performance is just too crowded.
In the Name of Love, the torn and suffering of “privileged children”.
If you ask children, I don’t think any of them would want to practice piano for eight hours a day at the age of eight or ten. It’s against human nature. Go to Juilliard’s piano department, and you’ll see it’s full of Chinese kids, because only Chinese kids are forced by Chinese tiger parents to endure the years of grueling practice. Only Chinese parents would ensure years of helicopter parenting. It is brutal for both sides.
I understand these parents’ motives; they just want their children to succeed, and they end up having to endure just as much pain as the child.
I may not be as great as those parents, which is why I took the lazy route and developed my own parenting philosophy. But I firmly believe this: children are independent and living beings. Only they have the right to push themselves, to endure hardship for their own dreams and passions. I don’t have the right to project my own desires onto them. I won’t push her to succeed based on my preferences. In the name of love, the torn and suffering of “privileged children” are easily be forgotten. The voices of these children are so helpless and so little, it’s heartbreaking. Fortunately, my children won’t suffer that fate.
Interviewer: Your relationship with Mikita is enviable.
Mom: My relationship with Mikita is intimate and comfortable. I’m her mom, her mentor, her sister, and her friend. I spoil her, and she spoils me back. She takes care of me, brightening my mood whenever I’m feeling down. Mikita also cares for her father and little brother, acting like the little mother of the house. Of course, she also bullies them sometimes and treats me like a toy.
Mikita is a complete person—she has her strengths and weaknesses, her moments of laziness, and her flashes of talent. My husband and I are also just regular people with our flaws and strengths. We aren’t perfect; we make mistakes and lose our temper from time to time. We all just ordinary people with ordinary flaws, but we don’t pretend we are flawless and we endure each other’s flaws.
Interviewer: What’s the most important thing you want to teach Mikita?
Mom: Courage for Life, wisdom and philosophy towards Life, the ability to think for oneself, to explore life, and to find satisfaction and comfort whatever Life throws at you.
You know people say that parents and teachers are the guides who pave the way for children. I agree, but I would like to add this: teachers and parents must also ignite a child’s passion for life and courage to face life itself and whatever life throws at oneself.
Now that I’m older, I love talking about philosophy with Mikita. I’ve been explaining concepts to her since she was a baby. I still remember, when she was five, I started to discuss death to her: We live in the face of death, and death gives life meaning, those sort of things… I’ve also talked to her about the relationship between money, material goods, and the spiritual world, as well as the ugliness and madness in the world. Of course, I tried my best to explain these things in ways she could understand, but I had no idea how much she got it. What’s important was that I’ve grown and learned about life while teaching her, and she learned at least some. These things will be in the back of her mind, will be in her subconscious.
When she was five, I once asked her, “What is the purpose of Money”? I’ve asked many adults this question, and most would reply, “To give our family a better life, to take care of loved ones, to feel comfortable and safe in life”, blah blah blah. These answers are not wrong, but they’re too narrow for me.
That day, Mikita stunned me with a single word: “Freedom.” It struck a chord in my heart. I had a whole set of leading words to guide her to “freedom”, this ultimate goal, but she got there instantly and completely on her own. At that moment, I realized Mikita really understood most of the stuff that I had told her. Maybe God truly did give me a half- child.
Mom’s Closing Words: What can I do for such a kid?
What I can do is nurture her vitality, to nurture her courage towards life. And I’ll do my best to help her avoid the “high achiever’s trap” of self-destruction. I want her to learn, by the time she’s 20 or 30, the ability to think deeply, explore herself, and find redemption. I hope she’ll be able to face whatever life throws at her with grace.
My child is an ordinary child, but she’s already showing her balanced, driven, and loving personality. Raising her has been an exploration of myself as well. So, I’ll end with something I’ve said before: If my God had a face, it would be Mikita’s. My child is my mentor, my mother, my true love and my soul mate.
I love you my dear Mikita.
